Apologies for a lack of any reviews last week. I accidentally forgot to drink any liquids for the last 8 days so I never peed, therefore making bathroom reviewing next to impossible. To make up for a lack of reviews, I will be reviewing a bathroom on campus as well as the ones in the house I live in. This is not just to appease you, reader, but came up as a necessity due to the amount of people that we have had over at our last two parties that pee, poop, pass out, puke or procreate (the 5 primary P’s of bathroom use) in our bathrooms. This is to let you party animals know where to do each of the P’s.
To start things off, though, I revisited Kane Hall (not by choice, I have class there 4 times a week) and took the elevator down to the basement. You can take the stairs too, but they are only accessible from the outside on the east (quad-side) of the building, which you can get to from the inside from a door that lets you out right next to the stairs. Walk/elevate down and the bathroom is by the corner of the long hallway you’re in. There are signs, don’t worry.
The bathroom has a lot of different rooms to it. Apt metaphors for this would be the plot of Enter the Dragon and the album Enter the Wu-Tang (36 Chambers). First there’s the entryway. Nothing going on here. Hit a right and you get to the individual stalls. There were about five of them, and only one of them was used. I only peed in these guys because I initially couldn’t find the urinals. I found those later but not after discovering something quite disturbing first…
There’s fucking asbestos in here. Asbestos as in the shit that gives people fucking lung cancer. In Kane Hall. There’s signs indicating that the bathroom is filled with this shit. Why would I want to know that I’m getting my alveolus sacs clogged with some bullshit indestructible fibers (spelled fibres if you are English)? Why would you want to make people consciously aware that they’re being exposed to something that’s been BANNED from construction? They might as well have painted the ceilings with lead-based paint. UW fucked up big time.
Once I got over the deeply troubling reality that I was exposed to some freaking asbestos for Chrissakes, I stumbled upon the urinals as I tried to locate the sinks, both of which are adjacent to one another. I took a peek to see what was up in the urinal chamber and saw only more signs warning me of asbestos. I washed my hands and headed out shortly thereafter.
A couple things to take away from here. The first and most noticeable being that there weren’t a lot of users. One guy pooping and one guy using the urinal was the extent of my human contact, not to mention that this was immediately after a passing period too. The bathroom is pretty clean and well-lit. This is a friendly environment overall (if you manage to ignore the asbestos warnings). The configuration takes some getting used to, and you might die of lung cancer if you stay in here for prolonged periods of time, but this is the much better of the two Kane bathrooms due to it being way less shitty than the upstairs one in literally every aspect. Minus the asbestos part. That’s the one thing the 2nd floor Kane bathroom has going for it.
Part II of the review brings us off campus to my triplex that I share with twelve other people (technically it’s fifteen if you include the basement plex but I don’t interact with the people that live down there, let alone use their bathrooms). The breakdown of the upper plexes is the ground floor, containing three toilets and two showers and sinks, the first floor, which has one toilet and two showers and sinks, and the top floor, which is a separate lease from the middle two floors and also has one of each amenity.
We’ll work our way down from the top in a party-goer’s perspective. The top floor belongs to three guys that pregame up on their floor before heading down. Oftentimes people will linger upstairs to get away from the main party on the ground floor or hook up in one of their bedrooms but are encouraged to remain downstairs. Their bathroom is pretty gross but you don’t really have a choice. During pregame hours those unfortunate to break the seal will pee upstairs. That remains its primary function until around 12:30 when people that are on the verge of alcohol poisoning (frequently, but not limited to, a cross country freshman) somehow find their way upstairs and barf almost all of their stomach fluids into the toilet. Most people that barf up here are friends of the upstairs folks so they don’t mind as much. I’m fairly certain that a rando (which we happen get a lot of at our parties and it’s really fucking annoying) hasn’t barfed up there before though. Hooking up has never happened in the top floor bathroom and most likely never will. Also, an alternative to peeing in the top floor bathroom is peeing off the balcony into our asshole neighbors’ yard.
Moving down a floor you get to the main lease. On this particular floor we have two showers and the one toilet that are the preferred locale for throwing up as well as fornicating, although they are not entirely mutually inclusive of one another. Some weird shit goes on in these bathrooms and they smell fucking awful after 2 am. People also like to use the floor space in this bathroom to pass out for the night. I encountered one such person after one of our parties we had during fall quarter. It was 6:30 am and I had to pee really bad, so I went to go pee when I see this dude sprawled out on our bathroom floor. Still being drunk, I rationalized that I did not want to take this stranger up, so I peed in the sink. I am not ashamed of performing such a deed. I reiterate, weird shit goes on upstairs. Avoid it at all possible unless you’re absolutely hammered or blacked out.
The downstairs bathrooms are the in-house recommendation to perform one or more of the 5 PP’s at any given party we host. For reals, it makes all the residents’ lives so much easier if you just stayed down here. There’s three toilets to choose from, although one is broken but the door is marked with a sign as to not confuse any of the literate house guests. That leaves the agoraphobia-inducing water closet adjacent to the sink and the slightly bigger one behind it. Seriously, please just use those two bathrooms. If you really have to pee, just pee in the shower. Hook up in the out of order one. I don’t know who poops at a house party but if you need to do that or throw up use one of those two toilets. There is motivation not to pass out downstairs, though, because if you do you’ll probably get trampled.
Well, there you go. I knocked out two birds with one blog post today. I don’t think we’ll be throwing a party any time soon but now there’s no excuse to not know proper bathroom etiquette at my house. Also, use the downstairs Kane bathroom if you absolutely need to go after whatever lecture you have there.