In honor of Greek Week festivities, I decided to poop in a studying spot frequented by fraternities and sororities alike, Gates Hall aka. Gallagher Law Library. The reasons for the law library being such a hotspot for Greeks is not known for certain, but I hypothesize that its proximity to Greek Row and its relative newness are the primary benefactors. I’m actually writing this review up on a computer in the Law Library, and I see relatively low populations of the usual frequenters. I would say that these lower numbers are a result of the debauchery, shenanigans, mayhem, hocus-pocus, group picture taking, etc. that are synonymous with Greek Week festivities. Being a GDI, the only thing I feel like I’m missing out on from the phenomenon of rush week is free Natty Ice and and that Chingy show that a few of the frats managed to scrape up together. Fuck. I really want to see Chingy. I think that would legitimately be a cool show.
On an unrelated side note, this keyboard has stickers on the keys with Korean characters next to letters or symbols. The keyboard next to mine has Chinese characters on them. I have never seen these before and think they are pretty cool. It is interesting to see the way UW caters to its high proportion of international students, perhaps providing JUSTICE for them. Is it more than coincidental that this display of linguistic JUSTICE is present in a library of LAW? I think not. But I digress.
The Law Library is located in the two basement floors of Gates Hall. The building itself is on a slope so the underground floors gradually become more and more exposed to the outside in a somewhat obtrusive display of tinted glass. Pompous and flashy, you might say. Cutting-edge, you might add. I admit this is a pretty nice building, given that it’s less than three years old.
The reality here is that the bathrooms do not compare to the sophisticated-ness of the rest of the building. Some people feel that it isn’t necessary to have bathroom facilities on par with the rest of the building. I respectfully disagree. The bathroom should not be its own entity but should flawlessly transition with the rest of the building (like those goofy eyeglasses). A smaller change in environment from the building-bathroom gradient, I will defend, will lead to better experiences because of less need to adjust, which causes excess stress that could potentially temporarily shut down biological processes. These are theories and predictions that the laboratory and field research departments at UW Bathrooms are testing even as I type.
The basement bathroom upon entrance to the Law Library is windowless, and the lights in there are on the softer, dimmer side, which in some circumstances might provide romantic lighting, but in my and I postulate most other cases it comes off as slightly ominous. This is in sharp contrast with the library itself because the entire south wall of the library is a giant fucking window. The creepiness of the bathroom makes it seem dirtier than it actually is, although there is a lot of water on the floor and around the sink. I attribute this to the distance of the paper towel dispenser to the sink, which is a good six feet by my estimates.
Other than the excess water saturation and the douche bag that peed all over the toilet and didn’t fucking flush, my poop wasn’t that bad. The only stall is a handicapped one so you’ll never feel cramped. But for whatever reason, the toilet paper roll holders are awkwardly low and makes toilet paper retrieval more difficult. Luckily, there are usually rolls on top of the TP hangers that you can use. On a positive note, despite there being high traffic around the library area, there were only four people that were in the bathroom the same time as me, and that’s including seat-pisser guy and his buddy that were there before me. The two other dudes that came in were talking about networking. If you are the gregarious type, you might be able to get hooked up with a marketing internship while you poop. You could pass them your card underneath the stall walls.
Toilet paper and paper towel location and the eerie lighting put me off from the Gates/Library basement unit, but despite these minor inconveniences, this bathroom is more than suitable for use during a study break. It’ll get the job done. 3.5 out of 5 business cards from this guy.
Edit: So the keyboard I typed this out on was stickier than a frat house basement, needless to say I made some grammatical errors and fixed up the ones I caught. If I misspelled something, deal with it.